30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 3

Holding Greyson-Part 3

This is our last and final session for the 30 Day Parenting Challenge. If you missed the first two blogs of this series, you can catch them here: 30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 1 ,   30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 2 .    Let’s dive into the last third of our challenge and see how far we get!

21) Give your kids VIP access: Often times we give everything else in our lives our best energy and we leave the scraps for our kids. Granted, sometimes we do the same thing when it comes to our other relationships as well. We’ll always have distractions in our lives and making this effort to shift our schedules around can make all the difference in the world. For this day, I’d like you to give your best energy to your children. Wrestle that extra 15 minutes, read a few more books, watch their favorite show with them, etc. This will enable you to do more and be more during this day for your children. Matter of fact, this is an important one to incorporate monthly as our kids will need those special days where we’re giving them all we’ve got.

22) Teach them a life skill: Teaching children the necessary life skills to succeed in life happens to be a big burden of mine. The fact is, many children struggle with having the right skills to thrive when they get out of the home. Are your children struggling with communication? What about their manners? Do they show particular interest in a field that you could help them explore? Have they been wanting you to take them fishing? What about teaching them the basics of preparing their own lunches, washing and matching their own clothes or even mowing the lawn? There are literally thousands of little life skill necessities that you can’t just leave to chance for them to pick up along the way. Letting your children leave the household unprepared for the “real” world is a great way to have frustrated young adults who end up getting a couple degrees from the School of Hard Knocks.

23) Pay it forward together: There’s myriads of ways to spread the love and pay it forward. Maybe you pay the person’s ticket at a restaurant or drive through. You can pay the tab of someone’s past due lunch bills at the school or their tuition that’s coming due. What about delivering some pizzas to the homeless or raking the elderly neighbor’s yard. The possibilities are endless so get your kids involved and find someone who’s in need!

24) Document how you feel towards them: In a previous post Letters Every Father Should Write I talked about writing down your feelings of love, pride and acceptance that you have for your children individually. There’s a lot of ideas, but one that I particularly love is to wax seal the letter for the appropriate time. I write these letters every so many years so I’m updating my message to them. I may never die before they leave the household, but I’m prepared if I do. If you’d like to see these letters illustrated, you can check out my YouTube video here Letters to Your Kids! Part 1.

25) Give them more chores: I know this sounds antithetical to having a better relationship with your children, but it in a weird way it does-I’ll explain. Children who have a good work ethic have more confidence in their abilities and frankly have a greater sense of satisfaction from a job well done. Obviously the amount of chores and the duration of them has to be age appropriate. Hard work produces a well -rounded spirit and I’ve always been a believer that if you work hard, you should be able to play hard as well. Developing a solid work ethic late in life is very difficult so cultivating this early on is a critical part of parenting. Many parents these days let their children off too easy because it’s easier or they don’t want to take the time to train them. Don’t fall into this trap.   Teach your children to work hard and they’ll benefit emotionally and physically the rest of their life.

26) Pray with them: Maybe you have that special prayer closet that you can invite them in with you, or a place in the yard that grants you the solitude and tranquility to talk to God. What are five things that you could pray with each child about that would change their life? Are there areas where they need to grow or currently struggling with? I like to weave in their personal wants in the mix because God grants them so often as well. Teach your child how to be thankful to God for everything, how to pray for others and how to seek His guidance in their lives. Maybe you have a special prayer list drawn up for when the both of you are together. Whatever you do, make it special and model how they can start developing their prayer life.

27) Lend them your ear: Whenever I come across verses in the Bible that reference God lending an ear, or turning his ear to our cries and prayer; I imagine myself doing that for my children. You get the sense that God is not distracted when we come to Him like so many times we are as parents. Take this day to focus on listening to your child. Get on their level, look them in the eye, ask intelligent questions and respond with thoughtful answers. If you listen to your children when they are young, they’ll be more apt to come to you later with bigger issues because they know that you’ll listen to them. Don’t be too quick to judge before you’ve heard the whole story. Don’t cut them off or interrupt them just like you wouldn’t do anyone else. Remember that your children will likely mimic your level of communication in one way or another so make sure they understand the listening portion of it is a vital part.

28) Grow with them:   It’s no doubt that your children are growing like weeds and it seems those clothes that fit them yesterday are already snug. I think it’s easy as parents to plateau at certain times of our lives and allow the younger crowd (including our children) to do the growing. We’re supposedly past that stage, have some solid experiences under our belt and life is good. The problem I see is that our culture changes, music changes, drugs change, pressures change, technology really changes, yet many parents are stuck in the early years of their adulthood and they haven’t progressed. Their children can run circles around them in technology, their children experience pressures in school that the parents have no clue about because they never had to deal with that when they were younger. Progress is crucial as a parent and part of that is to keep up with your kids. I’m not saying that you have to have the latest gear like your kids, but you ought to know what’s out there, what’s confronting them on a daily basis and how you can have intelligent conversations about things that are relevant to them. What’s one thing in today’s society or in your child’s life that is mainstream that you could really know some more about?

29) Win the day: Determine first thing in the morning that you’re relationship with your children is going to be the best it can be today. You’ll control your tongue, you’ll set goals and you’ll have an overall positive outlook on the circumstances of the day. Write it on the chalkboard, or on the mirror that you have claimed victory to make the best of everything that comes your way. If your child talks back to you, if they make you late for work, if they forget to feed the dog, or if they wind up in the principal’s office; these are all ways that we can show extra love, include proper discipline to shape their life, pray for God’s work in these areas and to model how to cope with the ups and downs of life. Life is stressful no doubt, but choosing to conquer the day no matter what will help your resolve to do the right thing regardless of how you feel. This will have a tremendous impact on those little eyes watching you.

30) Journal the journey: Not only is taking pictures and videos important along the way, but writing down your thoughts through lessons you learn as a parent are also beneficial as well. If you’re not accustomed to journaling, start one today. Write down those funny things your kids say, what lessons you’ve learned as a parent, what you’ve learned from other parents.   After a while, you’ll have a rich collection of insight into your daily life as a parent. Most of the things you document you will probably forget until you read it again. You can even pay services like Fiverr to draw a comic of the experience starting at $5. The possibilities are endless, just don’t forget to capture the moment whenever possible.

Can you believe we’ve finished 30 days of challenging ourselves to become better parents?! You should be proud of yourself for making the commitment and I’m proud of you too. I encourage you not to stop on this special journey as there’s still lots of impacting to do.  Take some of the days that especially meant a lot to you and expand upon them or draw them out to more than one day.

Feel free to email me or comment with any of your suggestions or tips. If you like the content that RelevantParenting provides, please follow my blog or subscribe to my Youtube channel RelevantParenting.   God bless you and I pray God encourages you to make the most of your time with your kids!

Chad

 

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Parenting Approval: Who’s Opinion Matters to You?

Parenting Approval-flower

The other day I was making lunch for my boys when one of them said, “mom, look! Isn’t this cool?” He had just finished a coloring project he had been working on. I responded with the typical mom response, “that’s awesome, buddy. Good job!” His brother was a little less enthusiastic and said something about how it really wasn’t that cool. That launched an argument between them. One saying that it wasn’t cool at all, the other insisting he had made a very cool drawing. Finally the one who finished the project turned to me, very upset, and said, “moooommmmmm! He doesn’t think my coloring is cool!”

I thought this would be a great teaching moment so I talked to both of them about how it doesn’t matter what others think of you, it matters what God thinks of you. As long as you did your best and you know it’s pleasing to God, than it doesn’t matter what someone says about you. As I finished making lunch I meditated on what I had just told them. How often, as parents, do we worry about what others think and not care what God thinks? I struggle often in this area. When I go out I think of how will others see me? If my kids are with me I need to make sure they look good and behave perfectly otherwise other parents will judge me and think I don’t know how to raise my kids.

If I go somewhere with my husband, how I look and act now reflects on him and I need to make sure I’m making him proud.  When he comes home I’m thinking about how the house looks, will he like what I made for dinner, do I look presentable enough (i.e. do I have a clean shirt on and is my hair washed- anyone else with me?!). Hopefully someone else reading this can understand a little of what I’m saying! My point is, a lot of the decisions we make every day, every moment even, revolves around what other people think. But how often do we think about what pleases God? Please don’t misunderstand me, it is important we look presentable, our house is welcoming and our kids know how to behave. But does what other people think drive your decision making? The Bible has many verses talking about the need to have God’s approval over man’s.

Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

1 Thessalonians 2:4 “But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

These are just a few verses that speak of pleasing God. I’m not saying this is an easy thought process, but one thing you learn quickly as a parent is that kids are mirrors. They reflect, repeat and reveal what they see in us as parents. Are you a person who strives to please God; is your MO that of someone seeking to please their Heavenly Father? Or are you a person driven by fear? She didn’t say “Hi” to me, does she not like me anymore? My boss hasn’t told me lately I’m doing a good job. My spouse hasn’t complimented my new hairstyle, clothes, etc. My kid wasn’t invited to a party, what did he do wrong?

While some of these can be legitimate reflections of something needing to be fixed, they could also mean absolutely nothing. If you have these thoughts, think back on what I told my kids. Have you been doing your best? Have you been living your life pleasing to God? If the answers to those questions are “yes”, than don’t let your need for approval from man ruin your life. Not only will you ruin your life, but you will teach your kids to grow up with the weight of making everyone happy and meeting others’ expectations over God’s. That is not a demand that I want to put on my kids. Join me in living a life where the priority is pleasing God first!

Sarah

30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 2

Situps-Part 2

If you didn’t get a chance to catch Part 1 of the 30 Day Parenting Challenge, you can catch it here: 30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 1 . Are you ready for another 10 days of challenge? I know you are, that’s why you’re reading this. You’re a third of the way and I know you can make it to the end. What we’re trying to do is set some new habits in our parenting and determine not to settle or coast through life. We have an important job to do and with the help of a loving and supporting community; we can encourage each other to take our parenting to the next level. Let’s get started with our next 10 days of challenge!

11) Make a resolution to never quit: Will you be like the prodigal’s father and love that child who has wronged you? Will you pursue your child like God did Jonah? Will you have the love for your child as Jesus did even after Peter denied him? Often times we focus on where we’re hurting, our name that’s tarnished because of our kids actions, or how we’re inconvenienced by a child that likes things and acts totally different than what we do. Your children need you, especially through their mistakes. Don’t conditionally love them, but accept them for who they are and pray that God will use their mistakes even to shape a successful life for them.
12) Identify current dangers to your family: Who’s the “watchman” for your family if we as parents aren’t? Certainly there’s plenty of other forces internally and externally that would love to take over the family castle. What’s hindering the growth in relationships within your family? Have you retired as a parent, or are you actively watching out for breeches from the enemy? Take this day to write out a handful of things that could cause some harm. Don’t ever let your guard down; be vigilant to identify what’s leading your family down harmful paths and captivating your children’s hearts with things that are lowly and ultimately destructive.
13) Preserve some of your history: I get that not everyone is sentimental or every child will care to receive their favorite childhood blankey when they’re an adult, but passing down some of those heirlooms can carry a lot of meaning with them. Most children, if raised by loving parents will aspire to have something of remembrance of them or a special childhood item/memory that brings back some great sentimental feelings. Gather that journal, or trunk that you can start saving some of those special experiences. I am personally lucky that a lot of my childhood toys and collections were preserved. There’s not a week that goes by that my kids don’t ask to peruse through them asking questions and learning more about my life experience.
14) Engage with them spiritually: It’s easy to rely on their Sunday school class, kid’s program or maybe their youth group to teach them their spiritual basics. However, most of those programs aren’t going to have the level of accountability that you can offer your child. If they’re old enough to read scripture; how are their devotions going? Could you memorize a verse or two with them? Are they struggling in an area of their life that you can help give them spiritual counsel on?
15) Write a vision for your family: Maybe this is something you can do on your parenting sabbatical day suggested on #8. Parenting has to be more than just a reactive duty, taking the kids here and there while you try to balance work and home all the while keeping the goldfish alive. What do you want to accomplish as a family? Is there a mission that your family is cut out to do? Does everyone in the family know that you’re working together for a common goal? This might be different for every family, but if you’re letting life happen and you have no real “calling” for your family, then life will happen and you’ll miss some of those rewarding opportunities that could have been presented to you. Decide where your family will make its mark and go out and live it!
16) Get over your past: One of the best things you can do as a parent is to get over your own past. I’m not suggesting that you can just get over it in one day, but you can certainly get started down that path. If you really want to bring that baggage into your kid’s lives than keep on reliving it; but is that what you really want? You CAN decide to leave the past in the past and focus on the future with your children. So many parents can’t get over their own past and they end up missing the present and future with their children. They have too many hang-ups themselves to help their kids with their own struggles. This is such a sad, wasted life. Find a way to move on and help your kids flourish in whatever they set out to do.
17) Fast for your family: You can do this as a family or individually as parents, but fasting has its place in deepening once search for God’s direction. Skip a meal, a whole day’s worth or even an activity that you can forego to spend more time seeking the right path for your family. Myself included, we often lack intensity in our pursuit for the best things in life. Fasting allows us to clear our vision on what we feel is important and necessary for God’s intervention in our lives.
18) Decide to pursue your dreams: Do you want your children to grow up pursuing their dreams? Then I say pursue yours. Your children will gain so much more life experience and lessons watching you take risks and go after your heart’s desire than if you teach them that you gave up all your dreams to raise them. I’m not saying that parenting doesn’t take sacrifice, but being the true person that you are and pursuing your passion is exactly what will encourage your children to do the same. Holding back actually conveys to your children that pursuing their dreams isn’t practical, it’s not possible with your current responsibility, or even that it’s not worth it amidst the other complexities of life. It’s much better to remain safe is what you’re saying. You only live once and so do your children. Learn to follow your own dreams and your children will be that much more enriched by it.
19) Be grateful: Nothing cures discontentment and melancholy more than being grateful. All the ups and downs of life is what God is using to shape you and your children. Learn to make lemonade out of lemons and trust that there is a plan behind everything. Your kids aren’t going to benefit from a cynical spirit and certainly living in a constant grumbling state produces the worst outlook in kids. Teach your children to be thankful for everything and make sure you are modeling it for them. Hardly any circumstances are as bad as we paint them out to be, so be a part of the solution instead of adding to the problem. Enjoy every minute of the children God gave you even if they rub you the wrong way sometimes.
20) Bestow some of your personal items to them: What are some of your personal items or parts of your collections that you can give to your children at this stage in their life? Is it jewelry, a childhood book or toy, or maybe something that your father gave you? Some things that I have to pass onto them, they’re not ready for, but I let them look and play with them with my supervision. Other things I tell them I’m holding onto for when they get older and then others I’m able to just give to them at this stage in their life. Whatever the item might be, children love rehearsing your memories and childhood. These mementos hold a lot of special meaning because it’s a part of your history. Don’t always just throw away things from your past; your children might be able to identify with those and it may turn out to be a special gift for them.

How does it feel to be two-thirds through the parenting challenge? Hopefully you’ve also gained some ideas of your own along the way. How are your children responding? Do you sense any new inspiration in your role as a parent? The important thing is to realize that you’re not alone. Thousands of parents around the world are making every effort to make that impact while they can. If you missed a couple days, don’t worry. You can always go back and repeat them another day or try some next month. I know you’re already improving as a parent and you’ll never regret it. Thanks again for taking this journey with me!      Feel free to email me or comment with any of your suggestions or tips. If you like the content that RelevantParenting provides, please follow my blog or subscribe to my Youtube channel RelevantParenting. God bless you and I pray God encourages you to make the most of your time with your kids!
Best,
Chad

30 Day Parenting Challenge: Part 1

Pushup-Part 1

Often in life we need accountability. Whether it’s meeting a goal that we’ve set, a spiritual battle that we need help with or even pursuing our own career path at work; we need that encouragement from others to beat the status quo, take risks and elevate our life.  Life is not meant to be conquered alone, but if we have others keeping us in line, that can make all the difference.

What I’d like to propose to you is a 30 Day Parenting Challenge to boost your parenting experiences. I’ll break these up into three sections of ten so make sure and look for Part 2 & 3 coming soon.  Hopefully many of these activities will pay dividends well beyond the moments with your kids.   You can practice these on the corresponding days of the month, pick any one that fits your day specifically, or even allow your children to pick them out for you.

Just like any other successful habit, a commitment to change will help you through those times that you’d rather stay comfortable than pursue a higher calling.   Parenting as you know is no easy task, but with some elbow grease, prayer and a plan; you can make a lifelong impact in those saplings of yours.

  1. Get Started: Truly it’s that simple. Whatever you’ve been considering doing as a parent, just do it. You don’t have to have a perfect plan, you don’t have to be a perfect parent, just get started and you can always improve as you go along. Too many people get stuck in the paralysis of analysis and never take that first step in making a change.   You’ll never know unless you try and you’ll end up regretting it if you don’t. Don’t allow the past to dictate your future. If you have a dream of doing something for your kids, making something for them or making a major change in your lifestyle to be there more for you children; then I say get on with it and you’ll never look back!
  2. Work on one area of weakness with your kids: This could be your temper with them, your lack of involvement, the absence of listening, or a scarcity of physical affection shown to them.   No one is going to be a perfect parent, but think of one thing you could focus on today to do better? I’d say go as far as asking your child what you could do to be a better parent to them.
  3. Say “yes” to their requests: Is it really going to hurt you if they ask you to play soccer in the backyard with them? What about a board game, reading a book to them, or playing house or tea with them? Showing your kids that you believe their world is important along with their desires will give them the confidence to engage you in more important matters down the road.
  4. Change up your routine: Maybe one parent takes the kids to school, but this day the other one does.   Try having dinner outside in the backyard instead of at the dinner table.   Allow the kids to sleep in your room and you sleep in theirs. Cook breakfast for dinner and maybe serve them breakfast in bed.   Give them a day off chores and you do them for them so they can spend that extra time in play.   Show up at one of their sport practices instead of just their game. Children will sometimes forget the grind and routine of everyday life, but these change-ups of routine they will more than likely never forget.
  5. Create a new tradition or celebration for your family: What does your family enjoy doing that you could implement more often? Was there a special occasion in the history of your family that you could celebrate? Maybe it was going through a trial that made everyone stronger, or a spiritual decision that you’ve made as a family.   These traditions will be so intertwined with your kid’s core experiences that they’ll probably carry on some of these tradition with their kids.   Traditions/celebrations are rich in meaning and they can anchor kids in many ways that other activities can’t.
  6. Bless your kids: If you’ve never had the chance of laying your hands on your kids and requesting God’s blessing on their life, you’re missing a great experience. My children often ask me to bless them and it seems to encourage them even if they don’t understand everything I’m praying for.   This was often practiced in scripture and we all need God’s protection and blessings in our lives to flourish anyway.   Try huddling up your child(ren) and pray over them asking God to do wonders in their lives and pour out His blessings on everything they do.
  7. Apologize for your mistakes: I think one of the worst things that we can do as parents is to never apologize to our kids.   Ask your kids flat out what you’ve done to set them back, hurt them, or be a bad example.   Trust me, your kids will tell you and you’ll enjoy some humble pie.   Don’t be that proud parent who can’t admit their wrongs.   If you want to raise bitter kids, than don’t bother with this one.   Sometimes the greatest lessons your children will learn are those that you’ve missed the boat on, but humbly encourage them to take a better path.
  8. Take a parenting sabbatical: I’m not saying to skip your parenting duties, but ask your spouse if you can take a few hours or maybe a half day to evaluate your priorities and goals as a parent. Go to that special park or hike that really gets your mental juices flowing.   Are you doing everything you can to be the best parent? Use this time to come up with an action plan that you can implement to set a new course for your family. We all need to recalibrate at one time or another, and taking some time away from the daily grind will help you figure out a clear path.
  9. Take a road trip: Kids seem to have a natural inclination to explore.   Sometimes we lose a portion of that drive as we age, but going on a road trip has so many connection points as a family that you can do in a couple hours or even a day or two.   Make up a treasure hunt or a scavenger hunt with your family.   Find that local historical hotspot that you can peer into the past and learn from it.   Don’t always allow the stacked up chores to prevent you from taking those special times with your children. The chores will always be there, but your kids won’t.
  10. Focus on their love language: Each of your children is going to be different in how they receive and show love. Keying into this early on will make sure that your child’s emotional tank is always full.   If you’re anything like me, certain love languages are easier to meet than others based on your own love language and maybe the current demands on your life.   I know when my children ask specific requests, they’re asking me to show them love the way they feel loved.   Sometimes I have to consciously make an effort to fulfill these requests so I’m meeting their needs.   If your child is always giving you cards, telling you that you’re a good parent, or even giving you lots of kisses and hugs; they’re probably telling you how they want to feel loved as well. Start looking out for these little clues so you can maximize your love shown to them.

Now that you’ve been challenged to focus on specific areas where you might be able to make an immediate impact, it’s time to continue this journey as there’s still two more parts!   Hopefully you’ve experienced some momentum as you’ve made the most important step and that is too just get started.    Later this week you’ll get another 10 days of Parenting Challenge so get ready to make a difference and look for those activities that you might want to repeat later on in the year.

Feel free to email me or comment with any of your suggestions or tips. If you like the content that RelevantParenting provides, please follow my blog or subscribe to my Youtube channel RelevantParenting.   God bless you and I pray God encourages you to make the most of your time with your kids!

Best,

Chad

 

 

20 Unforgettable Moments to Spend with your Children (Part 2)

20 Unforgettable moments part 2

Hopefully you were able to catch part 1 of the two part series of “Unforgettable Moments.” If you didn’t, make sure and catch it here 20 Unforgettable Moments to Spend with Your Children Part 1.   As we learned in part 1, spending those precious experiences with your children will help shape their lives in so many rich ways.   Below is another set of ten “Unforgettable Moments” that will encourage you to take your parenting to the next level. Don’t wait any longer, go for it!

1. Serving Together: One of the most enjoyable things to do with your children is to serve together. You could be helping the elderly couple next door cleaning up their yard, you could deliver Thanksgiving baskets to the needy, you could be volunteering at church together or simply hosting another family over for dinner to be an encouragement to them. Just as we are, children are looking for purpose in their lives.  In the midst of your busy life and schedule, make sure that serving with your kids is at the top of your list.

2. Comforting them when they’re sick: As you know, sometimes kids can get gut wrenching sick.    I remember as a 7th grader getting the flu so badly that my fear of the dark at the time simply did not matter.  I can remember my chicken pox outbreak, my fevers that were so high I had to take baths with ice and many others.  Those “trials” stick with you even though it’s now decades later.  Your kids will remember them to, but they’ll remember more of how you took care of them during that time.   I try to picture as a parent how God takes care of me and I attempt to transfer some of that love and care to my kids.  It’s amazing how a child’s viewpoint of God often stems from their relationship with their parents-especially the father.   Don’t just leave your child to suffer through it, help them get through the trial, endure it properly and strengthen themselves to move on past it.

3. Visiting historical places: For whatever reason, visiting historical places gives a child roots that span beyond his or her lifetime.    Kids often get wrapped up in their own world, thinking that everything revolves around them.  When they see that people lived previously to us with different or the same struggles, yet they accomplished great feats amidst overwhelming odds; it encourages them to do the same.  I remember visiting the Oregon Trail with my children and all of us were amazed at the perseverance and faith it took to make such journey.   To see and feel the ruts that the wagons had been in, the names carved into the wall documenting their journey and sometimes struggles was mesmerizing.    Whether it’s local historical sites in your city, in your state, your country or another country; these experiences can make a huge lasting impression on kids on all sorts of levels

                                       Part of the Oregon Trail

Oregon Trail

4. Praying with your kids: Praying with your kids is just as important if not more important than any other life skill you’ll teach them.  They learn to talk with God just as you model for them.   When you take the time to pray for a need, someone else or expressing praise to God, your children pick up those patterns.   Part of this that we often miss is blessing our kids.   You’re praying over them, laying hands on them for God’s protection, His blessing and His guiding through life.   My kids will often ask me to bless them and when their sick or distressed, they ask me to pray for them.  These are the types of good habits that they need to establish in life- so it’s best to start early.

5. Road trips: Anyone up for a road trip? Whether you enjoy road trips or not, you can’t deny that you have a captive audience for “x” amount of hours. I can remember my family taking three day road trips to Texas from Michigan and all the memories in between.   The stops at our favorite hotels on the way, the restaurant that we’d visit and even the po-dunk gas stations out in the middle of nowhere.   I used to dwell on the scenery, the passing cars and just dream.  I worked through life, dreamt of what life would be like when I got older and of course had those fun conversation with my brother and family.    If you can’t afford a full road trip, take a day trip just to get out and explore.   Your kids will love these times and you’ll share some experiences that they’ll never forget!

6. Uncomfortable moments: Uncomfortable moments are different for everyone.   What I mean by uncomfortable moments are the things that happen that seem so inconvenient, or a hassle as an adult, but your children view them as such as opportune time to experience something different.   Maybe it’s when the electricity goes out and you have to wear winter gear to bed just to stay warm, or when it’s a blizzard outside and your kids ask you to go out and play in the snow or when you’re walking up the stairs and the kids see your leg as their ride up them.  Life is full of uncomfortable moments-right?   I remember when we lived in Denver it hailed and rained like we’ve never seen before.  It used to flood the area around our house several inches deep. Guess what my kids wanted to do and they didn’t want to do it alone.  Now, I don’t have a problem getting wet, but did I really want to go out and slide in six inches of muddy water with who knows what floating by?  I think you know the answer, but when I give up and embrace some of these uncomfortable experiences with my kids, those are some of the most enjoyable and memorable times we’ve had.

7. Seasonal Traditions: Beyond holidays, there are so many traditions that you can establish as a family.  Maybe it’s that special hangout that you go every year when the leaves start turning, or the favorite fishing spot or even the summer nights to the ice cream place.   Children love routine and it gives them structure and something to look forward to.   If you’re less creative, a simple search online will deliver thousands of results for seasonal traditions to try.   We enjoy picnics at certain times of the year, camping and roasting marshmallows or even living room sleep overs as a family.  Whatever you do, try some different things and maybe fit them into your schedule every year.

8. Wrestling: I can’t tell you how important the physical contact is with my children.   Yes, sometimes there are bruises and even bloodshed from us getting too rough, but I can tell when I go long periods of time without wrestling-it affects their emotional state.  Whether you have boys or girls, having that physical touch through rough housing, tickling or just physical interaction really deepens your relationship with your kids.   Again, taking time to be personal with them goes so far.   If you’re detached emotionally, never showing physical affection than you children will feel the effects of that.  They have to know the smell of your skin, feel the strength of your body and even the scruffiness of an unshaven beard.    Kids will never forget this close of interaction.  Remember that everything we do, pictures how God is with his children. If you’re intimate and show them that personal affection (even through play time), they will project that on God and feel that he is personal and intimate with them as well.

9. Through a trial: Going through a trial as a family can be one of the greatest lessons a child ever experiences. Whether the trial is handled properly or not, the child will learn-somethings good, somethings bad. The important thing is to help them view their trials from a biblical standpoint and learn how to cope with them responsibly.   I remember when I was unemployed for 9 months a few years back.   As a family, that was a difficult time since we had worked hard to save our money previously, sell our home for a profit and look to start fresh with all the “security” we had built up.  God had different plans and all that effort and saved money went to expenses while I was out of work.  Thankfully we had the money to float us through, but it was a stressful time.   I do however remember praying with my kids for a new career, thanking God together for his provision and praying and seeking God more than I ever have in my life.   Even though I was out of work, I finished my first book during that time Lights Out! which had been a lifelong dream of mine.  I wouldn’t have been able to finish it without that extra time of being unemployed.   I tell that story to my kids that although live throws you curve balls, God always has a plan behind it.  These are invaluable lessons that will stick with your kids the rest of their lives.

10. Helping them embrace their milestones: Every child has milestones and the better job we do as parents to help them embrace and pass those milestones with flying colors, the better foundation our children will have at taking on life.   These could be graduations, overcoming fears or past limitations, concrete spiritual decisions, puberty, etc.  We have to recognize the struggle and challenge in a child’s world to help them hurdle these experiences in life.  We’ve been through many of them as adults and assume our children can get through them if we did.  Children need life coaches, encouragers, mentors, and tough love to help them navigate and make sense of their struggles. You as a parent have that opportunity like no one else.    They’ll survive without your help, but wouldn’t you rather them thrive with your help?   Look at your child’s life today.  What are they going through or about to go through that they need an anchor for their ship- to say “stay the course, you’re on the right track; you can do it!”  These words and ones like them are profound in the ears of your child.  Don’t let the busyness of life prevent you from noticing these milestones.

This has certainly been one of my longer posts (part 1 & 2), but one of the more important ones I believe.   Your children only grow up once and you only have a chance of parenting them at this stage-once.  Don’t throw that away for lesser goals or experiences. Embrace the richness that you can have in a deep relationship with your children and you’ll never regret it.

Feel free to email me or comment with any of your suggestions or tips.  If you like the content that RelevantParenting provides, please follow my blog or subscribe to my Youtube channel RelevantParenting.   God bless you and I pray God encourages you to make the most of your time with your kids!

Best,

Chad

 

20 Unforgettable Moments To Spend with Your Children (Part 1)

20 unforgettable moments

This will be a two part series on “Unforgettable Moments” so make sure and catch part two in just a couple days!

Have you ever had the feeling of regret for missing an important time with your child or just not having enough time to spend with your children? Of course you have and I’ve shared those same emotions too.

The older we get and the older our children get, the quicker those minutes turn to hours, then to days and eventually months and years.    Time is one of those rare things that you can never get back once it’s lost.  Zig Ziglar stated it right when he said “To a child, ‘love’ is spelled T-I-M-E.”

What if you could zero in on those key moments that your children will never forget?   Take for example a particular smell that you remember as a child.  It could be the smell of a campfire, the smell of fresh cut grass or maybe freshly baked bread. Even as an adult, when you smell those smells, it brings you down memory lane, doesn’t it?

Those memories have strong associations that you’ll never forget. They’re triggered by multiple senses and that’s maybe why they’re so strong.    Today’s message is about creating those positive memories that will shape and nurture your children even into adulthood.

It’s amazing what we can still remember from our childhood, especially if it’s backed by powerful emotions.  See below and see which one of these resonates with you.

  • Snuggling with them: Maybe you’re not the emotional type or you’re the minimalist when it comes to showing emotion; but I have to tell you that you could be missing some of the sweetest times with kids. Whether you crawl into bed with them while telling them a bedtime story, or just getting under a cozy blanket while watching your favorite movie, these times are especially bonding. I’ve done plenty of the tent and living room overnighters with my kids, but one that stands out that they remember is when I slept with them in the trampoline.  It was cold, cramped and to tell you the truth it was miserable for me, but they were sure snuggled up to me all night-so much so that when we all woke up it seemed as though the kids were just dropped on me from above.   I’m not sure I would want to do that again, but it meant a lot to them.  The moral of the story is to slow down enough to show that physical contact they so desperately need.   You don’t need a trampoline (trust me) to go the extra mile in showing them physical affection. For particular kids, this is their love language and it means a lot to embrace, hold and snuggle with them.
  • Campfires: My boys and I have had some great conversation around the campfire. Depending on where you live, you can make an inexpensive fire pit, or many fire pits you can buy for under $100. I live in an area where there are fire bans so I just try to maximize the “season” when I am allowed to do it.  If I can go up into the mountains and have one with them, that’s even better.  You kids will listen to you for hours as long as you bring marshmallow and s’mores.   The whole experience is mesmerizing and brings a warmth to the gathering that kids will ask for over and over again.   My boys almost always expect to have some type of meaningful, spiritual or life skills coaching during this time and they even ask for it.   Watch my short YouTube video Starting a Campfire to see some of the basic tools that I use when planning for a nice camp fire.  Below are just a few books that I’ve found to supplement your storytelling and fun around the fire.
  • Supporting their events: I remember one time that my kids were having their Easter program and my boys were singing in it.   I had a long day at work and managed to get one of the worst migraines that I’ve ever had.     I told them that I wasn’t feeling well enough to attend and that I’d have to catch the next one.   I figured they would understand, but I was wrong.  You would’ve thought from their expression that that was the worst thing I could do to them.   You guessed it, I felt sorry for them, I sucked it up and went to their play.   That was a memory that I didn’t miss even though I so wanted to and looking back, I’m glad I didn’t.  My kids were beaming from ear to ear as they saw me in the crowd. It was worth putting up with my migraine to be there.
  • Dates with Kids: Having a set time to spend that special time with each child is crucial in developing a deep relationship.   This could be going to a baseball game because your child enjoys sports, or picking up some ice cream while you chat about life.  These can be formally planned or just picking up junior to tag along with you to the store.   I think the important thing here is that you need individual time with each child.   Put these times on the calendar and build up the excitement towards the event if you can.   Becky Mansfield in her blog Your Modern Family posts How to make each child feel important by “Every month on our child’s ‘birth date’, they get to have ‘their’ night.”  I thought that was a great idea and you should check out her post for more.   You’ll be amazed at how much your child opens up when they’re away from their siblings.
  • Teaching Life Skills: This is a big burden of mine. So many children grow up through life into adulthood not having the skills to compete in the workforce, handle life’s challenges or even cope with the day to day responsibilities that help shape a successful life.  Yes your kids will learn some life skills from school, from their mistakes, from their friends and even the jobs that they take, but ultimately, you can give them such a huge start in life if you focus on the crucial skills that they need before leaving the household.
  • Bedtime Talks: One of my favorite things to do is to crawl into the bed with each of my kids and just tell them a story, talk about life or answer any questions that they have.   In my household, the favorite stories are the ones from my childhood and bible stories.   I’ve told them so many stories from my childhood sometimes I can’t remember anymore.    I have to tell them ones I’ve already told them.    Another good idea is to ask them to ask me questions that they don’t understand about life or God.  Those are always interesting and even memorable.   Making sense of life either through stories or just talks I believe is such a healthy practice if you’ll just take the time.
  • Dinner Time Conversations: Great food and conversation go hand in hand.   Whether it’s that special pizza night or just a good home cooked meal, there’s a lot to be remembered from what comes out of dinner time conversations.    Try to keep the conversations light as opposed to scolding your kids for what they did or did not do during the day.   Talk about your days, what you learned and what was memorable.   Although we try to keep the “play” time at a minimum during dinner, we encourage humor and plenty of laughing.   If you’re going to establish the dinner table as an important family gathering, you have to keep if fun and enjoyable so your kids will long for it as they get older.
  • Holidays: I know holidays can be stressful, especially if you’re planning for a big crowd.    Amidst all the chaos and commercialization, don’t forget about the true meaning.    If you’re reading the Christmas story about how Christ came to save us, but yet your family is at each other’s throats; you’re kind of defeating the purpose.     For our family, we have to plan to have a successful holiday, we can’t just let it happen. We plan our recipes, our message around the meaning, our activities and of course which relative’s house we’ll spend time at.  We prep the kids for the stresses that might occur, their attitudes towards relatives and even a grateful spirit for the gifts they’ll receive.   Trust me, your kids will remember your holiday times so don’t let them become a war zone, but rather an enjoyable experience.
  • Playing with them: Let me guess, when you get home from work, the first thing you’re looking forward to doing is playing robots with your kids, playing hide and seek or playing dress up. No? I’m shocked! Not really, I am in the same boat.  You’ve had a stressful, long day at work and you want to just relax and enjoy the night-maybe watch your favorite show.   Children ask you to play with them because they enjoy your company, they often find their play time more enjoyable if you’re watching them or engaged with them.  On my way home from work, I often change my mindset of working with adults, to now engaging with kids.  It’s their world, what’s important to them and the more you can get into that world of theirs, the more impactful you’ll be as a parent.
  • Showing them their love language: Now if you’re like me, certain love languages are easier to show than others. For example, I’m a doer and constantly doing something.  For me to sit down relax and watch a 3 hour TV program most of the time seems pretty boring to me.    I get energized by accomplishing things and matter of fact the word relax is somewhat foreign to me.  When my child asks me to sit with him, I’m more apt to give him a piggy back ride around the house as I accomplish my stuff.   For him though, that’s not what he’s looking for.  He wants me to hold him, read a book, tickle him, or just simply relax while we spend some downtime together.  Whatever your child’s love language is, you have to tap into it and make time to express that to him or her individually.

Now that you’re at the halfway point; hopefully you’re already excited about some of the ways to make an impact today!   If you don’t know where to get started, just pick one thing that you’re comfortable with and after you’ve tried that one, move on to the next.  Ask God to help you choose the right ones.

Feel free to email me or comment with any of your suggestions or tips.  If you like the content that RelevantParenting provides, please follow my blog or subscribe to my Youtube channel RelevantParenting. Be sure and check back in a couple days to catch part 2 of the series.

Chad